i think when i saw the tv it glowed
okay so i have heard of how i saw the tv glow is an incredible film and i've heard the music especially the one my dearest phoebe bridgers is in.
so i really should have gone to sleep earlier or watched a different movie because my brain is extremely awake after watching this film, but i really really wanted to watch it and i really wanted to watch it tonight even though i do work a 12 hour day starting at 9:30 today. no worries it's a chill job but still what the balls was i thinking.
also before i say anymore lets just put this lyric of the song thats in the movie which my dearest phoebe bridgers is in, "claw machine":
my heart is like a claw machine its only function is to reach it can't hold on to anything
and the rest of the lyrics are insane too but those hit me like a brick tonight, idk why? but like there we go.
so these actors were incredible and i'm actually gonna explode. so this movie is created by a transfeminine nonbinary filmmaker, and they have specifically stated that their intention for this film is to be a symbolic statement on transgenderism and identity.
i think it was so fascinating because the film was obviously about queerness and transgenderism but also not obvious at all if that makes any sense. when i am observing queerness and queer media and all that i feel there is an underlying feeling or vibe that i personally feel with every piece of queer coded media i see, and i also kinda see a lot of things as queer coded these days cuz my mind is on it a lot as a friend to others discovering themselves and as i discover my own identity, which is a whole other ballpark that i honestly feel pretty content with.
but i also relate to these tension filled queer characters a lot and am trying to analyze what about me relates so much to that, because i feel 100% content with my gender identity and not particularly concerned or conflicted about my sexuality. and i think this film was so cool because i could relate so much to what was happening without it feeling like that meant i must be trans if that makes sense. because yes thats the message and its beautiful and so well stated, but you can also tell the creator was trying to make a piece that could apply to more than just their personal experience.
it kinda feels similar to how i tend to analyze how good i think a songwriter is. like noah kahan, i think its so fascinating that his lyrics are so uniquely specific and descriptive, but they are spontaneously relatable to so many people's completely different situations. that's one thing i really notice and admire and want to figure out in song writing, is that ability to make something so universally relatable but so personal to the author, but also feels personal to audience members who don't have the same experiences the lyrics might directly portray.
i swear i just need songwriting lessons from noah kahan i love his songwriting and lyricism so much. and i love so many artists and their songwriting and all the different ways they write and create, but there is something about the way noah kahan writes in this way i've been describing that i just want to pick apart and figure out.
anyway this isn't really finished i didn't really finish talking about that incredible movie, but i do need to go to bed and after getting some thoughts out and listening to some phoebe bridgers and noah kahan i'm feeling more grounded and content going to sleep. like that movie was amazing but it kinda made me feel un grounded and out of it, which is totally okay and definitely the way it's supposed to be. but anyway i loved that so much and i knew i would love it and i wanted to love it so i am filled with joy and brain explosions.
goobnight
~ anna peepersen